Give me Reason, But Don’t Give Me Choice

Yeah, I know that you recognize some of those words from somebody famous’ song. I do have stars beneath my feet, too. That is how optimistic I am for this year. Of course, there are many things about that song that seriously bug me. One of them is that it is mellow and makes me tear up. One thing I do recognize from it, are the words, ‘Same Mistake.’

We can have another discussion about the other words, but right now I will focus on those two.

I am writing this as everyone is finalizing on their resolutions for the New Year. To quote someone I do know, ‘it is always time for change as long as you recognize the need for change.’ So, apparently, I should not wait until the January 1, to decide to stop smoking, to cut down on the booze, to lose the unhealthy weight, to leave that abusive wife, to ask that bad boy to be your husband…Well, but we always wait, don’t we? ‘I’ll do it next year.’ Then we scribble it down in haste at 11.55pm on December 31. Same Mistake.

Sometime in the middle of the year, we look back, and we have stopped doing all those things that we had committed to doing at the beginning of the year. The self-disgust slowly coagulates at the back of the mind, and in time if you do not completely burn out from doing all the wrong things, you wander into the fog of depression and boredom. Oh yeah, most of us never admit to depression, do we? But the signs are always there, even when we turn away from it and refuse to change anything.

The man who yells at his wife, and ignores his children, or the other woman who ignores her husband and yells at her children. The boss who takes his anger out on his employees, then makes sure he gets home when his family is asleep. The rebellious child, whom everyone is mad at, but whom no one takes the time to question his hurt and anger at the world, the young man who wanders from one relationship to another, promising but never fulfilling a single promise, the young woman who has sex very often and with different partners but does not enjoy a single bit of it… I could continue by citing variations of the above behavior. It’s the same thing. The mistakes we make because we choose not to be honest with ourselves at all, not even when we are writing those Resolutions. Same mistake.

My enemy looks just like me. He is me. The only way I can fight him, is by being true to myself and to those who deserve my honesty. (Yes, I know I am a she. But I could be you, or the next person, it doesn’t really matter right now does it?) I can write down an entire list of what I want to be doing this year, but if I have not dealt with the truth about myself, I just won’t succeed. It doesn’t matter what it is, but a lot of times for a lot of people, the truth revolves around choices, wishes, past mistakes, current desires, future needs. We have an uncanny ability to deny ourselves the truth, don’t we? That’s how we keep making the same mistakes.

I have so many things I would like to do this year. The only one I will be doing is to look at that mirror, even when my reflection bothers me.


2 thoughts on “Give me Reason, But Don’t Give Me Choice

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