Okay, so I’ve been in full panic mode. I even wrote a poem, which is a sign of the times, if you know me. I am not in love. I am melancholic. I miss my home town. I am beginning to hate my city. And yet, I am in love with love, with the idea of loving a memory, of going back to a town where all my growing years were scarred with pain. And when I walk past Nakumatt Downtown, I mourn with this big city under the sun. What a contradiction!
I got myself into trouble over the weekend at a women writers’ meeting, when I spoke too soon. I was wrong, I voiced my objections as if I was afraid of criticism. Time has made me understand that I grow through examination. No, not your KCPE’s and KCSE’s, but the kind of examination that allows you to see where you have been, where you are and where you should be. And yet, I was angry, because of the insinuation that all writing must fulfill a common purpose. Right there a woman I respected irritated me by trying to make me believe that as a woman my writing should be restricted only to feminist issues.
Then there is my little obsession with comic books which by the way featured in the eruption above. Storm of X-Men, Wonder Woman of Justice League, Superman. They all have one foe in common. Daddy. He prefers Mystique, Lara Croft and… didn’t catch that other one. It’s just kinda weird when there is someone who can figure you out better than you can figure yourself out. I am not going to admit that I like the same comic/animated characters as he does. Because then I’d have to admit that I am just like my Daddy.
I am a big girl. I have my opinions and ideas. Right now my opinion is that we need to stop proving racist bigots that they are right. Next time I hear, ‘My God, Kenyans!’ I’d like it to be about something other than poor safety standards, blind scrambles for wealth and death, and on the other side our politicians going all out to make sure that Kenyans go out on blind, hungry scrambles to their deaths.
So it is the end of the times, but what are you doing hurrying yourself to your death just because what will be will be? Didn’t you read that when Satan told Jesus to throw himself off the cliff because the angels would stop his fall, Jesus said, “You shall not put your God to the test?”
I am sad, for all those who have lost their loved ones this week, and all those others before. The Bible says, “He will swallow up death forever.” Through the tears, mine and yours, I see a smile of hope. I hope you see it, too.
But tonight as you go home, don’t put your God to the test. Take care of yourself, and your family, and your neighbour, and your customers and associates. Because there is no excuse for taking a life, your own or anyone else’s.
© Juliet Maruru 2009 www.jmaruru.wordpress.com