So yesterday was my day to moan. Which reminds me of the time I was so pissed by a friend’s constant complaints that I wrote a piece based on his moaning. Actually, my title when I submitted it for publishing on an online magazine here, was The Anguish of a Kenyan Man. A certain editor somewhere decided to title it The Anguish of a Kenyan Moan. I could not protest much. It was quite apt.
Anyway, my Kenyan moan is still moaning somewhere in spite of his 138 IQ, a degree and parents who were willing to support him into his mid-thirties. And I am learning more and more every day that I must live up to the tag line that has been imposed on me by a moan of a different kind.
Fluctuat nec mergitur. In the style of Paris, and upon waters, a city that has grown, and shone, in spite of troubles, revolutions and injustices. Me, in the style of Paris. And you there, do not dare discuss my sense of fashion, or lack there of! We were discussing greater things!
As I was saying, on an average day, my life is full of drama, things that go wrong, things that go right then wrong, things that begin really wrong and then get better with time… It takes everything I’ve got to remind myself that life is not all about me.
So this morning, on an average day, I buy three bags of Unga with money I don’t have, and donate them to the One people, One day program. I feel a cringe of shame when I see a woman with a trolley full of stuff she is donating. I have to remind myself it was not about me, it was about all the Kenyans who have no food tonight.
And in a conversation, on an average day, I differ with someone I respect, on a matter that we both feel strongly about. I have to remind myself that it is not about me, it is about the kids who count on me to teach them that no matter what their weaknesses, or perceived weaknesses, they are strong and have a right to be strong.
Then in a quiet moment, on an average day, I look into my best friend’s eyes, and I worry that maybe I am not a good enough friend. And I have to remind myself that it is not always about me. So I’ll do my best.
Then on another day, every day, I have to remind myself of my worth, and value and not allow a person who has allowed themselves to be coloured by malice, to convince me otherwise.
© Juliet Maruru 2009 www.jmaruru.wordpress.com