Slumber Party

It is official, I hate all-girl slumber parties.

Sure I love to blog and post online stuff about me that no one in particular wants to know about. But I hate to sit around with too many girls, too much wine, very likely chocolate and topics that revolve around the ‘men’ in our lives.

Now where would I start if I was to talk about the men in my life.

How about a cold, distant father, who seems to have jinxed my emotive processes?

Or the first love of my life who died in his sleep and left me comparing all the men I meet to his impossibly perfect qualities?

Or a certain Mr. X who would compete very succesfully with Love number 1, but who has his own love that I can never oust?

Or perhaps, more reasonably I could talk about Mr. Now, who just happens to be a really nice man, with a penchant to say all the wrong things about my past? It’s been a bit too many ‘I don’t think we could work…’

So I am at the slumber party listening to everyone complain about their ‘men’, well except for Lady D, whose man, even I have to admit is great. She is reasonable too. She said at one very heated moment, that she knew her man was imperfect but she chose to love him anyway.

Lady C said the same thing, except her man is a woman beater, and I think she should get out, but last time I told her that, she said I was not in any position to tell her what to do. I agreed. I have never been with an abusive man, and if I ever found myself there, I would like to think I am strong enough to get out.

Well, I would like to think…

Anyway, I have chosen not to let these ladies pick my brain. No, I do not think I am any better than them. I just think that there is a time to talk, and a time to work through my thoughts and feelings without getting totally confused by someone else’s opinion.

I know, Mr. X says I can be very independent, it can be a strength and a weakness. He would know, he is a lot like me.

So after the slumber party, I told Mr. Now that I would try to understand him, if he would do the same for me. I have no idea if it will work. He has very set ideas about what should be. Problem is, my life is living proof that not everything works the way it is supposed to. But that does not necessarily mean that it is all bad. It is just different.

What do you do when things are different, when you find yourself thinking differently from a lot of the people around you, when you feel and experience life differently, when you make choices that are different?

I told Lady N that I have principles and beliefs that I would never give up for anything, but that I would never give up who I really am so I can be like everyone else. She said I was likely to scare the ‘men’ away, likely to never get married in time [whose time?], likely to never do things the way they are supposed to be done.

I told her that there were very many women who had not lived the ‘traditionally accepted’ life but who were nevertheless content and happy. She said that if I was from Europe or America, she would buy that. In Africa, she said, I would stand out and people would not be forgiving.

I laughed a little, but I thought it was sad. I am just a little different, quirky perhaps, with a slanted view on life maybe… what if my life choices were much more drastic? I mean, like my friend, whom Lady C dares to point at.  Lady C thinks that she is in a much better place than my friend. My friend has an alternative lifestyle, but no one is beating up on her, no one is telling her everyday that she is not good enough. She is strong, and she takes care of herself. I would much rather be like her than be a helpless, insecure woman who would rather be with a man who buys her makeup, the latest fashion fad, and a car, but abuses emotionally and physically.

Oh well, I knew I should not have been here… I just hoped. Now I know for sure.  Yeah, I should change my slumber party buddies…


One thought on “Slumber Party

  1. I understand how you feel about your friend who is in an abusive relationship, almost always they don’t listen to someone advising them to leave the relationship, just wait till they wake up one day and will say enough is enough. only they will decide for themselves.

    thank you for commenting on my post about Father and son, I was talking about the role of a father to a child’s life, yes, mothers have more impact to a child’s growth but that’s another story.


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