Silly Stuff for your Monday

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian’s mother couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Brian’s roommate Jennifer was. Brian’s Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, ‘I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.’
About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, ‘Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?’
Brian said, ‘Well, I doubt it, but I’ll send her an e-mail just to be sure.. So he sat down and wrote:
__________________________________________________ ________
Dear Mom,
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the gravy ladle from the house,
I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle. But the fact
remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner.
Love,
Brian
__________________________________________________ ________
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother
that read:
__________________________________________________ __
Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Jennifer, I’m not saying
that you ‘do not’ sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if
Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love,
Mom
And then there’s a list of silly stuff to say to make the day easier
  1. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  2. A day without sunshine is like…, night.
  3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  6. 99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  7. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
  8. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  9. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  10. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  11. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
  12. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  13. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
  14. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
  15. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
  16. OK,….. so what’s the speed of dark?
  17. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
  18. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  19. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  20. Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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