Project Me…

A close friend of mine is desperate to find a man who will be the one. I don’t believe in a one, not anymore. I do believe in love, and friendship, and partnership. Like my friend I would like to find a man with whom I can share life with, someone who can understand and appreciate my world, someone whose world I can understand and appreciate. Yet, somehow, I have never quite experienced the choking desperation she describes when she talks about getting married and having a family of her own.

Maybe I am slightly insensitive. I told her that that desperation will either push her into a relationship with someone who is not good enough for her, or drive away persons who might be interested in her. I told her to work on her own independence, strength and happiness and when the time was right for her she would find the love she is looking for. Que será, será. A bit of a contradiction if you ask me. What will be, will be.

Another good friend said once, in a rather cruel way, that although he might be my the one, I was not his the one. Well, to be fair, it was one of his cruel and grouchy alter egos. And this alter ego was kinda right. Although for me there have already been several the ones.

Let’s see, there was the Arab psychologist who was named after a famous Arab poet. He had dreamy emerald eyes, gorgeous white hair and really wrinkled skin. He taught me to think for myself, to believe in myself, to love myself even when I was uncertain about who I was. Goodbye was not an easy word to say.

Then there is him, the Golden Boy who comes in and out of my life, making me lose my breath every time he walks in and breaking my heart every time he closes the door. Funny thing is, I think I am the one who both opens and closes the door, but it hurts so bad each time I have decided to place all the blame on him.

Then there was the Almost One. He just did not get me, writing and definately not my insanities. My cats drove him crazy, just as much as my decision to be a ‘writer’. To be fair, he was lots of fun while he was around. And my mum loved him, although I must admit I have a very serious problem with my mum and daddy liking my friends too much. Makes it weird when things come to an end.

I have decided to stop at that because I am likely to go into a ramble about my cats and how they are much more reliable than humans 🙂

The point of my journey into the past is that life has incredibly rich possibilities. Things that go wrong will go wrong, but that is not to say that we cannot have any influence on what can go right. There is no one person who can make you happy. Happiness comes from within, from understanding your limitations and embracing your possibilities. Happiness is born from knowing that you are living your life the best way you possibly can, and fulfilling the purpose of your being alive to the optimum maximum. Friends and family do not make us happy, but they do add a lot of value to our lives.

I don’t think my friend heard me, and I suppose I was not quite sensitive to her feelings. I am sorry for that. But I have no doubt that I am right. Being happy with oneself will very likely contribute to attracting the right person for a life partnership, perhaps more than being hot and ‘out there’.

But hey, I really cannot be giving any advice, at least not at this time. The Golden Boy rode through again on his great white stallion, trampling all over my heart again, and breaking my smile. I made five steps forward this year, and four steps backward this weekend 😦 Aiyayaii!

Personal Project: Develop Cuteness 🙂

© Juliet Maruru 2009


2 thoughts on “Project Me…

  1. Hehehe…nice one. I will say, nothing worse than desperation. Been hearing a lot about ticking clocks lately. Which makes me wonder since when 25 became too old to be single. Oh well! Enjoy the ride with your golden boy, every gal needs one of those 😀


  2. You are right, ‘Que sera sera’:) Fighting with fate can kill you. That is the one battle that anyone, superhuman or human is bound to lose.


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