Once in a while, I stop being anxious and simply enjoy every day as it comes. This past week has been one of those. Dealing with a new kind of inhaler, back on steroids, having to distance myself from my puppy and kittens because my lungs just can’t deal with them for now and at the same time keeping up with my workload as a writer and editor, trying to juggle all that with my family and personal relationships; all of that would have keeled me off balance a few months ago.
Somehow, I’ve been on a bit of a cloud nine. I can only hope it is not drug induced. It can be. The drugs I take for the various turns SLE takes me have the capacity to turn my moods through the strangest twists.
But once in a while, everything makes sense. I am beginning to see how choices I made in the last year make perfect sense. In the last few months, I have seen surprising doors open, and interesting options arise that probably wouldn’t have come up if I’d stuck myself to old and unhealthy options.
That’s the thing. Making choices when you are in the depth of a dark moment can be frustrating and sometimes completely uncertain. I have second guessed myself so much in the last few months that the only thing I have been sure of was that at some point in a day I would have to sit down and swallow a whole bunch of pills to keep me long enough to wake up alive the next morning. The waking up was not certain.
I keep having to relearn some things, but that’s ok. Learning to take one day at a time and understand that results of hard work (when it’s worth it) take time has been a tough lesson to take. But I am glad I’ve learnt it.
One day at a time.