Heart Don’t Break Even

I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to get my life back together. Get back to work. Get back some semblance of sanity and adulthood. I’m thinking of moving back on my own again, so I need to figure out my finances. Figure out my taxes – I can’t get around that one yet because I’m stuck as a director in a freaking company I don’t freaking own because of some stupidity I’m unable to deal with right now.

So him walking in in all his glorious beauty into my thoughts and emotions right now is a really bad idea. But oh well, he walked through the door, so I’m stuck between ‘You’re just somebody I used to Know’ and ‘When a heart breaks it don’t break even.’

Emotions can be messy, and they can be even messier when you are dealing with a chronic illness. You are just never sure if anything that goes wrong or right, is because of who you are, or because you are chronically ill. Having a clear head can take everything you’ve got and sometimes it is just not possible.

I think for me, being aware of this fact is the first step. The next step is having someone who will really listen without judging or trying to impose their thoughts and preferences on me. Writing things down in a private notebook, cons and pros as I try to make a decision also helps. Taking my time instead of rushing to conclusions is incredibly hard, but it is also a good idea.

What helps you? I’d love to hear from you.

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2 thoughts on “Heart Don’t Break Even

  1. hi girl – I feel you – what helps has come with age – the realisation that nothing lasts forever, seeing the big picture. What did I do when younger – had a good cry with a good friend and watched a movie on the big screen on day one. Then filled many days with quiet writing with a nice glass of wine…… just one! And chatting with mum and good female friends. Then now looking back I think – did I actually weep about that? Remembering that verse – I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not for evil – there will be a lot of good days ahead – time will take you to them. Hold on.

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  2. I can soooo relate to emotions and chronic illness. It’s something I continuously try figuring out, hopefully I can differentiate one day!

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